This year's offseason brought us enough stories to fill three episodes of Cops - and that was just from South Carolina. Likely out for this week's opener against Louisiana-Lafayette is safety Emmanuel Cook. Cook's absence this week is explained by his recent appendectomy, not his arrest on a gun charge. Cook was reinstated this week by school officials and the Ole Ball Coach decided it was a case of Cook "being in the wrong place at the wrong time." I'm gonna have to try that one with my girlfriend. "No - I'm working on my cover letters, I swear. What? This X-Box controller? Oh I don't know how it got there. It must be that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time." Yeah - that sounds like a solid alibi. Who wrote Cook's defense statement, Miss Teen South Carolina?
In other Gamecocks news, QB Blake Mitchell, tailback Bobby Wallace and cornerback Chris Hail were all suspended for one game due to "excessive absences during summer school classes." Okay, I know I wasn't one of the jocks in college, and I managed to graduate in four years with a B-ish average, but there was one summer I took a couple of summer school classes to avoid having to sit through Economics with a particularly tough professor. As much as I'd like to slam these guys for missing summer school classes (where you generally get a C just for showing up - kind of like grad school!), there were a few times I missed class because the weather was nice, or I just didn't feel like sitting in a hot classroom for two hours. On the other hand, because of Mitchell's suspension, Coach Steve Spurrier has said redshirt freshman Chris Smelley will get the start. So thank you Blake Mitchell, for giving me the opportunity to make at least one "Smelley" joke this season.
In case you were wondering, the pre-season nominees for the Maurice Clarett Award, given annually to the college football player who does the dumbest thing over the course of the season are as follows:
Darrell "Aloha Mr." Hand, Notre Dame: Hand was arrested for soliciting a prostitute at a South Bend McDonalds. I've been to this McDonalds and, uh, I guess the suggestively clad women at the drive through weren't Sisters from the College of the Holy Cross. Who knew?
Woody George, USF: George was arrested by campus police after it was discovered he not only removed the boot on his car, but threw it away as well. Because the boot is valued at $450, Woody's "unlawful disposal" is considered felony grand theft. If he can recover the boot and bring it back to Public Safety, charges will likely be dropped. Even if they're not, it is unlikely that George will be missed this week in South Florida's opener against the football powerhouse that is Elon.
Blake Powers, Indiana: Not so much a stupid arrest as plain dumb luck, Powers was nabbed for hitting an off-duty police officer's car with a water balloon. Apparently, while stopped at a traffic light, Blake tossed a water balloon out of a car he was riding in with some buddies . . . and managed to hit the police officer in the head. Paul Wampler, an Indiana University police officer, had just gotten off work and was heading home. Wampler was in uniform in his personal vehicle and followed the other vehicle to a residence where Powers admitted throwing the water balloon. The occupants said they had not realized the person in the other car was a police officer. I'm looking for Powers to get some snaps at QB this season - he definitely has the accuracy.
and last but not least . . .
LaTerryal Savoy, Michigan: The Michigan WR was arrested in July (one of six players to be arrested since March) on charges that he exposed himself July 23 to a 21-year-old woman he knew inside Michigan Stadium. Though my self-defined criteria for the Clarett award clearly excuse most minor burglary and assault charges (unless there is a really funny story to go along with them) I'll make an exception in this case. Savoy's lawyer explained the situation and has cleared his client of any wrongdoing. According to attorney Nicholas Roumel, Savoy turned to say hello to a woman and had forgotten to zip his pants, a case of "accidental exposure." Roumel then went on to explain that Savoy is a huge fan of the movie Scarface, and greets everyone with Tony Montana's timeless quote, "Say hello to my little friend!"
on to the picks . . .
The first week of the season always has some tune-up games. #10 Louisville takes on Murray State who went 1-10 last season and fields only 14 upperclassmen this season. Said Coach Matt Griffin, "That's how we do it, that's the way we do things. We recruit and develop, recruit and develop. It's a little scary that we're actually younger than we were last year, but the sky is the limit for these kids athletically." Yes, coach, the sky really is the limit when you don't have much farther to fall. Along with these lopsided matchups come some crazy point spreads - the Cardinals are favored by an astounding 8 touchdowns over the Racers. I've decided that despite these daunting spreads, it is much easier to come back from a 0-5 week early on than it is right before the bowl games, so I'll be picking five games with spreads of 21 or more this week. Really, there's nothing quite as exciting as hoping that the backup QB decides he wants to get his first career TD with five minutes left in the fourth quarter to ensuring that the favorite the spread. Just as long as Toledo isn't involved, I think this week will work out just fine.
On a side note, I think Notre Dame is an overrated 2.5 point favorite this week over GA Tech, but I'd rather wait until they're favored by at least a touchdown to jump on the "Irish are overrated" bandwagon.
Home team in bold. Odds (when available) come from DannySheridan.com
Buffalo +31 Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey - New Brunswick
Rutgers begins the season ranked #16, still riding high from last year's 11-2 season. Buffalo starts the year excited that Temple has joined the MAC, giving the Bulls someone to battle for last place in the conference. Clearly the advantage lies with the Scarlet Knights who also have the momentum of Bon Jovi's new album hitting #1 on the Billboard charts working for them too. I'll take Ray Rice and the Knights to cover.
Idaho +44.5 USC
Trojans RB Chauncy Washington is out this week with a sprained right shoulder, and Emmanuel Moody has transferred to Florida (shhhhh, don't tell anyone). Whatever will Pete Carroll do? He only has another eight running backs and three full backs to choose from! Offensive coordinator Steve Sarkasian breaks down USC's other options. All of these are actual quotes taken from an interview with ESPN.
On Stafon Johnson - "He didn't know how to practice. He came in and he just did not know how to practice."
On CJ Gable - "He's eating better."
On Hershel Davis - "He is not the most talented . . . but he can play."
Uh, on second thought, maybe USC does have a problem here. Unfortunately for the Vandals, the biggest offensive display to come out of Idaho lately took place in a men's room at the airport in Minneapolis (za-zing!). I'll take USC to cover the spread in what looks to be John David Booty's early Heisman resume builder.
Temple + 21 Navy
Hi Temple, welcome to the MAC! Now instead of fighting to be the worst team without a conference, you can fight to be the worst team with a conference. Congrats! Temple ended the 2006 season with a 42-6 loss to (you guessed it) Navy. The Midshipmen return a QB with the best name in college football, Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada as well as Reggie Campbell, a good running back who had 950 all-purpose yards last year. Navy should have no trouble building on last year's 9-4 season (which ended in a tough 25-24 loss to BC in the Meineke Car Care Bowl). I like Navy on the road to cover the spread.
East Carolina + 24 VA Tech
Virginia Tech is the sentimental favorite this week with the Hokies having their first football game since tragedy hit the campus in April. All eyes will be on Blacksburg this weekend as the greater VA Tech community remembers the 32 students killed and rallies around the #9 team in the country. ECU will be coming into the season with a new QB and a new punter, which could mean a long day for the Pirates' defense. On the other side of the ball, Hokie QB Sean Glennon looks to better his 1:1 TD to interception ration from last year, and he'll have his top two targets in Eddie Royal and Josh Morgan returning for their senior season. If you were skimming this paragraph looking for a Michael Vick joke, you won't find it. I think its better to let sleeping dogs lie. I'll take VA Tech to cover.
Northern Colorado +59.5 Hawaii
Yes, you read that right. Hawaii is favored by fifty-nine and a half points. The Warriors' high-powered offense is led by Heisman dark-horse candidate Colt Brennan who set a single-season record last year by completing 58 touchdown passes. Brennan, who famously(?) led the Saddleback Community College Gauchos to a Mission Conference title in 2004, looks to do the same with Hawaii this year in the WAC. For Northern Colorado, the only thing more embarrassing than their off-field punter drama was their 1-10 on the field performance last season. How bad were the Bears? They were outscored by their opponents by an average of 22 points per game, including giving up a total of 107 points in their last two games. Is it possible that Brennan will use this opportunity to try and break David Klingler's single game record of 11 TDs in a game? If a game featuring a top 25 team begins at midnight, will anyone watch? I think the answer to both of these questions is a resounding "yes." In what may be the biggest rout ever, I see Hawaii covering the spread and Brennan passing for a personal high 8+ TDs and 600+ yards.
Look for another update Thursday-ish of next week. Until then . . .
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