First off, congrats to the Peabody Veterans Memorial High School Tanner football team, who took Thanksgiving rival Saugus behind the woodshed for the twenty-somethingth time in a row. Nothing says successful season like beating a 1-8 team 28-0. Good times. From my remote location today, here are the picks:
Last Week - 3-2
Season - 13-6-1
Tennessee -8.5 @Kentucky
SPOILER ALERT! Tennessee will win this week, and cover the spread. I'm not sure if Casey Clausen is subbing in for Rick Clausen, or maybe over Thanksgiving dinner Rick's parents took out old newspaper clippings about how good Casey was when he was the Vol's quarteback, but this week it will happen. I'll be honest, I've bashed Tennessee a lot this year, but this is the same quarterback that threw for 5 TDs in the first half of the 2005 Cotton Bowl. I'm going out on a limb and taking the Vols to cover.
@ Miami -17.5 UVA
The U has had a season full of Ups (a 27-7 win over VA Tech), Downs (last week's loss to GA Tech) and "Thug U" moments (mad props to the 7th floor crew, whatever that means). I see them ending the regular season with a big win over Virginia. Remember, this is the same Miami team that beat potential Big East champion South Florida. I'm taking the Canes to cover 17.5 against UVA, with or without those awful orange sleeved uniforms.
@ Florida -3.5 FSU
I must have some sort of obsession with ACC and SEC football. Yes, I'm perfectly aware that college football is played in places other than the southeast United States, thank you very much. Florida has a shot to improve to 8-3, one more win than they had last season, a nice gift for new coach Urban "Legend" Meyer. By the way, I can't stand Bobby Bowden. Even his stupid Burger King commercial from a few years ago made me stop eating there until they stopped running the promo. Either way, to say FSU has been struggling during the second half of the season would be like saying that the French government has been struggling against rioters lately. I'll take the Gators over the Noles by a touchdown.
ND -15.5 @Stanford
Rumor has it that Charlie Weis has this awful phobia of trees. Ok, I made that up, but I really couldn't find any reason for Weis and the Irish to unload on Stanford this weekend. Well, almost no reason. Notre Dame is 8-2, and with a win, could become BCS bowl eligible for the first time since 2000. The Irish roll over Stanford, Brady Quinn throws for at least 3 TD's on his way to locking up the Davey O'Brien award (Vince who?), and Penn State and Notre Dame move one step closer to meeting in the Orange Bowl.
I really should pick the Georgia/GA Tech game here, but it wouldn't be like me to do that. instead . . .
@UL Monroe -2 UL Lafayette
Yes, the yearly battle of University of Louisiana teams. This year, though both teams are 5-5, and the winner will likely move to play in the New Orleans/Lafayette Bowl. A nice reward for two teams who have had to endure some serious off-field distractions this year. I'm going with ULM here for two reasons. a) They've got some of the best names in college football (Kinsmon Lancaster, RoShon Jacobs, DeMarcus Carmouche, LaGregory Sapp, and my favorite, Chance Payne. Seriously, how cool is that? And, he's a quarterback. I don't care if he rides the bench all year. You know any opposing coach takes one look at the depth chart and gets nervous when he sees the name Chance Payne. "Well guys, we match up well against their secondary, our defense should be able to hold their running backs, but Lord help us if Chance Payne comes into the game. I hear he's 7 feet tall, weighs 300 pounds, runs the 40 in four point two, and can throw the football over a quarter mile." Sorry, I think I've lost my train of thought), and b) the NCAA is striking down against teams with Indian-related mascots. I'm all for un-PC mascots. I mean, who wouldn't like to see Brandeis University rename their team the Fighting Jews, or BYU be called the Polygamers, or West Virginia the Cousin **ckers? Am I alone on this one? Um, yeah, I'll take UL Monroe to win this one by at least three.
Anyhow, enjoy the games - next week we have such gems as Army-Navy, USC-UCLA, and the ever popular Akron-Northern Illinois MAC matchup. Whoooo! Until then . . .
Friday, November 25, 2005
Friday, November 18, 2005
Not much time to post - I'm leaving to go on tour with the University of Miami football team. Don't bring your ho' to the 7th flo'.
On to the picks:
Last week - 4-1 (That's what happens when Rutgers f**ks a stranger in the @$$) Lesson - when you dance on your opponent's 50 yard line a la T.O. in Dallas, you're bound to get beaten 56-5.
Overall, 10-4-1
@ UVA +7 VA Tech - The Hokies lead the "Commonwealth Classic" series VT leads 44-37-5. Plus, Jimmy Williams of VA Tech is one of five finalists for the Bronko Nagurski Award. That's just fun to say, "Nagurski." I'm taking Tech to cover.
@ Mich. State +7.5 Penn State - The BCS committee is pitching a major tent over the possibility of a Notre Dame/Penn State bowl game. Personally, I can think of a few people who would be morally torn over who to root for. PSU won't disappoint this week, covering against the Spartans. Speaking of the Irish . . .
Syracuse +34.5 @ Notre Dame - Though it is a long shot, Brady Quinn could throw for like 7 TD's and a solid 400 yards this week and move in as a legit Heisman candidate. I swear I did this the other night on my X-Box. Syracuse is just the team to let this happen. However, I don't see Charlie Weis running up the score, and although ND is 6-2 against the spread this season, I don't see them beating it this week. Syracuse will still lose the game, but they'll cover the spread.
@ Michigan +3 OSU - I'm only picking this one because my buddy Jeff is going to the game with his step sister and her friends. I'll be honest - a lot is made of this rivalry, but since neither team is spectacular this year, I'll probably play Madden rather than watch it. That being said, I'm taking Michigan to win. Go Blue!
Temple +28 @Navy - On their quest for perfection, Temple should have no trouble losing their last game of the season. When the AD drew up the schedule at the beginning of the year on the premise that Temple as an independent school would play a tough schedule, I'm not quite sure he thought he'd lose every game. If that was his intent, well congrats on a successful season. Navy will sure up bowl eligibility with this win; Temple will sure up their worst season ever (0-11). I see Navy steamrolling the Owls (with starting OT/Goon Nehemiah Ingram) by a solid 35 points this week.
Until next week . . .
On to the picks:
Last week - 4-1 (That's what happens when Rutgers f**ks a stranger in the @$$) Lesson - when you dance on your opponent's 50 yard line a la T.O. in Dallas, you're bound to get beaten 56-5.
Overall, 10-4-1
@ UVA +7 VA Tech - The Hokies lead the "Commonwealth Classic" series VT leads 44-37-5. Plus, Jimmy Williams of VA Tech is one of five finalists for the Bronko Nagurski Award. That's just fun to say, "Nagurski." I'm taking Tech to cover.
@ Mich. State +7.5 Penn State - The BCS committee is pitching a major tent over the possibility of a Notre Dame/Penn State bowl game. Personally, I can think of a few people who would be morally torn over who to root for. PSU won't disappoint this week, covering against the Spartans. Speaking of the Irish . . .
Syracuse +34.5 @ Notre Dame - Though it is a long shot, Brady Quinn could throw for like 7 TD's and a solid 400 yards this week and move in as a legit Heisman candidate. I swear I did this the other night on my X-Box. Syracuse is just the team to let this happen. However, I don't see Charlie Weis running up the score, and although ND is 6-2 against the spread this season, I don't see them beating it this week. Syracuse will still lose the game, but they'll cover the spread.
@ Michigan +3 OSU - I'm only picking this one because my buddy Jeff is going to the game with his step sister and her friends. I'll be honest - a lot is made of this rivalry, but since neither team is spectacular this year, I'll probably play Madden rather than watch it. That being said, I'm taking Michigan to win. Go Blue!
Temple +28 @Navy - On their quest for perfection, Temple should have no trouble losing their last game of the season. When the AD drew up the schedule at the beginning of the year on the premise that Temple as an independent school would play a tough schedule, I'm not quite sure he thought he'd lose every game. If that was his intent, well congrats on a successful season. Navy will sure up bowl eligibility with this win; Temple will sure up their worst season ever (0-11). I see Navy steamrolling the Owls (with starting OT/Goon Nehemiah Ingram) by a solid 35 points this week.
Until next week . . .
Friday, November 11, 2005
6-3-1 . . . and still looking good
First off, let me say that my detailed analysis of why UCLA would whup Arizona last week was just a little misguided. And the Patriots had just a little bit of a hard time stopping the Colts last week. I'm glad we got that out of the way.
Even though I goofed on the UCLA and BC games, Notre Dame, Penn State and the mighty Middle Tennessee State Blue Raiders (who are on the verge of dropping to Division I-AA) came through 45-7. So after going 3-2 on the week, I am 6-3-1 after two weeks. Here are my picks for this week.
@ Louisville -22 Rutgers
I never thought I'd see the day when Rutgers (6-3) was having a better season than their NJ professional counterparts, the Jets (2-6).
How weak has the Big East become when the Scarlet Knights are bowl eligible and there is only one legitimate top 25 team in the conference? This week Louisville is out to prove that they are a second top 25 contender, and that they are still in the hunt for a shot of the Big East title. I'm pretty sure they'll win the game, but not by 22. In the first of my "Hot Dog" picks this week, I see Rutgers losing by less than 22 points, and happily heading off to the Insight.com bowl in a few weeks.
@ Georgia -3 Auburn
After Georgia's loss to Florida ended their perfect season, it was hard not to pick this game. It has all the elements of a big win for the Dawgs - the return of an injured team leader in D. J. Shockley (who I still think sounds like a bad Long Island club emcee), the hope to rebound and grab a piece of the conference title, being able to prove to the nation that they are in fact as good as their 7-1 record says they are. And all of this happening at home! So why are they only favored by 3? Oh, maybe its because Georgia is just 2-9 against Auburn at home in their last 11 meetings. Or the fact that while Shockley is returning, he's a pretty mobile quarterback coming back from a knee injury. Either way, I'm going out on a limb and taking my second underdog of the week. Chances are this will be the game I blow, but if I guess right, I look like a genius. That and $1.50 gets me a cup of coffee at Dunkin' Donuts. Pick Auburn with the points over Georgia.
@ Tennessee -18 Memphis
Who's beginning to see a pattern here? Tennessee went into last week's game against Notre Dame boasting a great defense - as had much of the SEC. The Vols had held #5 Alabam to 6 points, and #6 Florida to 16. When Tennessee gave up 20 straight points to the Irish in the fourth quarter the great defense arguement lost some credibility. Enter Memphis. With a 4-4 record, the Tigers are having a decent year, averaging 274.8 yards rushing per game (5th in the nation) and scoring 27.8 per game, 11 more than Tennessee's avergae points scored. However, if Tennessee plays some defence this week, and can hold Memphis to under 20 points, then they should have no trouble. Memphis is 1-14 since 2001 when they score fewer than 20 points. I think this game will be a lot closer than the spread indicates, and because of that I'm taking Memphis with the points.
@ UCLA -3.5 ASU
Lee's Note: I can't hear any of you laughing at this pick, those chants of "Overrated" are still ringing in my ears.
"Hi, we're UCLA, and we used this gimmic last week. You might remember, we got embarassed by Arizona when we lost by 38. Um, yeah, we're sorry about that. But this week we're playing another team from Arizona - this one has more than 2 wins though, and now we're only favored by three and a half points. We still think you should pick us to win, but you might want to hedge your bet by taking the over in this game too. We can pretty much guarantee that between Drew Olsen (25 TD) and Sam Keller (20 TD) there's going to be a lot of scoring.
@ Notre Dame -23 Navy
In the battle for the Jesse Martineau trophy, Norte Dame has the distinct advantage. They're bowl eligible for the first time since I was in college, they're coming off of a big win against Tennessee, and they have beaten Navy 41 straight times. Navy is having a very good season, and though I don't see an upset here, I do see an interesting matchup. First off, today is Veterans Day, and as the old saying goes, "Don't bet against the service academies on Veterans Day weekend." Okay, there is no saying like that, but there should be. Second, Notre Dame has only beaten one team by more than 23 points this season (BYU) and Charlie Weis doesn't strike me like the kind of guy who would run up the score against a) a service academy or b) an intersectional rival who will remember this game for the next decade if the Irish blow them out. That being said, Noter Dame will dominate, Brady Quinn will shine, and the Irish will win the game by no more than 21 points. Yes, I know that just to spite me, D.J. Fitzpatrick will nail a 40+ yarder to put them up by 24, but I'm sticking with my gut here, and I'll take Navy and the points.
Even though I goofed on the UCLA and BC games, Notre Dame, Penn State and the mighty Middle Tennessee State Blue Raiders (who are on the verge of dropping to Division I-AA) came through 45-7. So after going 3-2 on the week, I am 6-3-1 after two weeks. Here are my picks for this week.
@ Louisville -22 Rutgers
I never thought I'd see the day when Rutgers (6-3) was having a better season than their NJ professional counterparts, the Jets (2-6).
How weak has the Big East become when the Scarlet Knights are bowl eligible and there is only one legitimate top 25 team in the conference? This week Louisville is out to prove that they are a second top 25 contender, and that they are still in the hunt for a shot of the Big East title. I'm pretty sure they'll win the game, but not by 22. In the first of my "Hot Dog" picks this week, I see Rutgers losing by less than 22 points, and happily heading off to the Insight.com bowl in a few weeks.@ Georgia -3 Auburn
After Georgia's loss to Florida ended their perfect season, it was hard not to pick this game. It has all the elements of a big win for the Dawgs - the return of an injured team leader in D. J. Shockley (who I still think sounds like a bad Long Island club emcee), the hope to rebound and grab a piece of the conference title, being able to prove to the nation that they are in fact as good as their 7-1 record says they are. And all of this happening at home! So why are they only favored by 3? Oh, maybe its because Georgia is just 2-9 against Auburn at home in their last 11 meetings. Or the fact that while Shockley is returning, he's a pretty mobile quarterback coming back from a knee injury. Either way, I'm going out on a limb and taking my second underdog of the week. Chances are this will be the game I blow, but if I guess right, I look like a genius. That and $1.50 gets me a cup of coffee at Dunkin' Donuts. Pick Auburn with the points over Georgia.
@ Tennessee -18 Memphis
Who's beginning to see a pattern here? Tennessee went into last week's game against Notre Dame boasting a great defense - as had much of the SEC. The Vols had held #5 Alabam to 6 points, and #6 Florida to 16. When Tennessee gave up 20 straight points to the Irish in the fourth quarter the great defense arguement lost some credibility. Enter Memphis. With a 4-4 record, the Tigers are having a decent year, averaging 274.8 yards rushing per game (5th in the nation) and scoring 27.8 per game, 11 more than Tennessee's avergae points scored. However, if Tennessee plays some defence this week, and can hold Memphis to under 20 points, then they should have no trouble. Memphis is 1-14 since 2001 when they score fewer than 20 points. I think this game will be a lot closer than the spread indicates, and because of that I'm taking Memphis with the points.
@ UCLA -3.5 ASU
Lee's Note: I can't hear any of you laughing at this pick, those chants of "Overrated" are still ringing in my ears.
"Hi, we're UCLA, and we used this gimmic last week. You might remember, we got embarassed by Arizona when we lost by 38. Um, yeah, we're sorry about that. But this week we're playing another team from Arizona - this one has more than 2 wins though, and now we're only favored by three and a half points. We still think you should pick us to win, but you might want to hedge your bet by taking the over in this game too. We can pretty much guarantee that between Drew Olsen (25 TD) and Sam Keller (20 TD) there's going to be a lot of scoring.
@ Notre Dame -23 Navy
In the battle for the Jesse Martineau trophy, Norte Dame has the distinct advantage. They're bowl eligible for the first time since I was in college, they're coming off of a big win against Tennessee, and they have beaten Navy 41 straight times. Navy is having a very good season, and though I don't see an upset here, I do see an interesting matchup. First off, today is Veterans Day, and as the old saying goes, "Don't bet against the service academies on Veterans Day weekend." Okay, there is no saying like that, but there should be. Second, Notre Dame has only beaten one team by more than 23 points this season (BYU) and Charlie Weis doesn't strike me like the kind of guy who would run up the score against a) a service academy or b) an intersectional rival who will remember this game for the next decade if the Irish blow them out. That being said, Noter Dame will dominate, Brady Quinn will shine, and the Irish will win the game by no more than 21 points. Yes, I know that just to spite me, D.J. Fitzpatrick will nail a 40+ yarder to put them up by 24, but I'm sticking with my gut here, and I'll take Navy and the points.
Friday, November 04, 2005
College Football - Week 2 (sort of)
After a strong 3-1-1 week (stupid Florida pushed), I'm confident to say I've still got it. As the other LL put it, "Don't call it a comeback. I've been here for years." On to the picks.
BC -4.5 @ NC
I like the Eagles this week, even if they got tripled up last week by the Hokies. The QB's are the key to this game, but if I were BC coach Tom O'Brien, I'd tell my team that there is no way a team with a guy named "Cooter" (RB James (Cooter) Arnold) should beat you. BC covers over UNC.
@PENN STATE -11.5 Wisconsin
Plain and simple, PSU wins this one because they have more black athletes. Just ask Paterno
@MIDDLE TENN ST -4.5 Arkansas State
Honestly, the only thing I know about either team is that in my XBox game, I've scheduled Middle Tenn State to play my created GW team twice, and they've beaten me both times. You know that team that no matter how hard you try, you're unable to beat? That's MTSU for me. I may even keep them off the schedule next year just because I secretly fear them.
For this reason, I'm not even looking at records, stats or rosters and I'm picking MTSU to cover over Arkansas State. By the way, pictured is Sr. Quarterback Josh "Mr. Consistent" Harris. I wish my nickname was Mr. Consistent. Not "Mr. Wonderful" or "Mr. Perfect" just "Mr. Consistent." No mention of "consistently comes up on third down," or "consistently throws interceptions on key drives," just "consistent." Just like me, pretty much half-assed.
Ucla -9.5 @ARIZONA
"Hi, we're UCLA, you may have heard of us. We're that other undefeated team from Southern CA. In case you were wondering, we're playing Arizona this week, and the only team they've beaten by more than a field goal is Northern Arizona. We haven't scored fewer than 21 points in any game this year, and we're averaging 42.6 points per game. Oh yeah, we're only favored by 9.5. You may want to pick us."
@NOTREDAME -9 Tennessee
You don't get where I am by picking the winner of the Florida Atlantic/Troy State game. That being said, I'm sitting in a stuffy office on a Friday afternoon waiting for my boss to call me and discuss a book about Scanning Electron Microscopes. Good Times! Either way, I'm kind of torn on this game. Notre Dame is back, they have a successful head coach locked up for the next ten years (or until he drops three straight to USC) and there is a general good feeling in Souith Bend. On the other hand, Tennessee followed up a 3 point showing against Alabama by losing their third game in a row in a squeaker against South Carolina. Hmmm, a team with a struggling offense taking on a head coach who is arguably one of the greatest offensive minds in football. Sounds like a real tough one here. HOWEVER, Tennessee is primed for a big win, and if they want to be even considered for a bowl game, they need to win now. I see the Vols putting up a good effort for 3 quarters, but when the game goes final, the Irish will win by 10 in my LOCK OF THE WEEK.
Well, that's it for this week. As always, comments are appreciated.
BC -4.5 @ NC
I like the Eagles this week, even if they got tripled up last week by the Hokies. The QB's are the key to this game, but if I were BC coach Tom O'Brien, I'd tell my team that there is no way a team with a guy named "Cooter" (RB James (Cooter) Arnold) should beat you. BC covers over UNC.
@PENN STATE -11.5 Wisconsin
Plain and simple, PSU wins this one because they have more black athletes. Just ask Paterno
@MIDDLE TENN ST -4.5 Arkansas State
Honestly, the only thing I know about either team is that in my XBox game, I've scheduled Middle Tenn State to play my created GW team twice, and they've beaten me both times. You know that team that no matter how hard you try, you're unable to beat? That's MTSU for me. I may even keep them off the schedule next year just because I secretly fear them.
For this reason, I'm not even looking at records, stats or rosters and I'm picking MTSU to cover over Arkansas State. By the way, pictured is Sr. Quarterback Josh "Mr. Consistent" Harris. I wish my nickname was Mr. Consistent. Not "Mr. Wonderful" or "Mr. Perfect" just "Mr. Consistent." No mention of "consistently comes up on third down," or "consistently throws interceptions on key drives," just "consistent." Just like me, pretty much half-assed.Ucla -9.5 @ARIZONA
"Hi, we're UCLA, you may have heard of us. We're that other undefeated team from Southern CA. In case you were wondering, we're playing Arizona this week, and the only team they've beaten by more than a field goal is Northern Arizona. We haven't scored fewer than 21 points in any game this year, and we're averaging 42.6 points per game. Oh yeah, we're only favored by 9.5. You may want to pick us."
@NOTREDAME -9 Tennessee
You don't get where I am by picking the winner of the Florida Atlantic/Troy State game. That being said, I'm sitting in a stuffy office on a Friday afternoon waiting for my boss to call me and discuss a book about Scanning Electron Microscopes. Good Times! Either way, I'm kind of torn on this game. Notre Dame is back, they have a successful head coach locked up for the next ten years (or until he drops three straight to USC) and there is a general good feeling in Souith Bend. On the other hand, Tennessee followed up a 3 point showing against Alabama by losing their third game in a row in a squeaker against South Carolina. Hmmm, a team with a struggling offense taking on a head coach who is arguably one of the greatest offensive minds in football. Sounds like a real tough one here. HOWEVER, Tennessee is primed for a big win, and if they want to be even considered for a bowl game, they need to win now. I see the Vols putting up a good effort for 3 quarters, but when the game goes final, the Irish will win by 10 in my LOCK OF THE WEEK.
Well, that's it for this week. As always, comments are appreciated.
Friday, October 28, 2005
College Football is Back
No kidding, Lee. College football has been back for a while. I mean, we're almost in November, where have you been? Aside from not updating my quiz (see my last post in August?!), I've barely looked at my brain farts. And I've had so many. However, each Friday, I will throw back to my days as a college football expert on the widely popular Half Jewish Sports with five can't miss games for the upcoming weekend. Most of these have a bit of humor, a bit of sarcasm, but above all, they're usually pretty good picks. Without further ado, for the games played on 10/29:
SYRACUSE 5 Cincinnatti
Both teams are not good, but Syracuse is just plain bad. If any of you have seen the ESPN reality show with Dick Butkis as a high school football coach, I imagine this game will be fairly close to one of the high school games they show. The 'Cuse has a Sophomore QB "getting his first start" this week, and Cinci is still looking for their first Big East road win. I see Cinci outright beating The Orange this week. For Syracuse fans, Gerry McNamara and basketball can't come soon enough.
NEW MEXICO STATE 5½ Idaho
Wasn't Idaho ranked at one point this season? I swear I'm not making this up. Here's a fun fact, the University of Idaho is located in Moscow, Idaho. Here's another fun fact, the Vandals have had about as much success in Moscow this year as capitalism did in the 70's. Fortunately, Idaho plays in New Mexico this week. Unfortunately, they play a team with a running back named Muammar Ali. As the Russians saw in Afghanistan, guys with names like Muammar Ali, tend to beat the guys from Moscow. NM State wins.
Oklahoma 1½ NEBRASKA
A couple of years ago, this would have been a no-brainer. Now, I'm seriously having a tough time picking a winner. When the highlights of this game are "The Husker Nation Pavilion will salute and celebrate the 10-year anniversary of the 1995 Nebraska football team’s 12-0 season and national championship," and "Oklahoma goes in search of its third consecutive victory this Saturday," you know you're in trouble. I think ABC may blackout the game and show the 1971 matchup between Oklahoma and Nebraska instead. If my buddy Cheeques reads this, he'll probably stop talking to me for the number of digs I've made at the Sooners. Well, here's another one - Rhett Bomar has thrown for two touchdowns on the road this year. Last week Texas Tech's Cody Hodges had 2 in 2 quarters. On the road. Against Texas. Still, I think Bob Stoops just refuses to lose to Nebraska. Oklahoma wins.
Miami Ohio 22½ TEMPLE
As we say at Temple, Oy Vey. The Owls have allowed an average of 46 points per game. The good news is, they only have three games to go. The bad news is, this is their last "winnable" game. Temple could be the first team to get blown out by two Miami teams in three weeks. Even Bill Cosby can't save them. Miami rolls over Temple.
Let's just say its a good thing BC played yesterday, and couldn't be included as my lock of the week/upset special. Oops.
FLORIDA 4 Georgia
Ah, yes, the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. Nothing could ruin this game, well except for Nike. As many of you many have noticed during the VA Tech game this week, Nike is promoting their new Under-Armor type jerseys with a horrible alternate shoulder color
This alone may force me to pick against the Gators (which my cousin Erin would kill me for, especially on the game before her birthday - Happy Birthday, Erin). However, VA Tech's victory (with the jerseys) over BC and the fact that Georgia is still undefeated leads me to believe that the LOCK OF THE WEEK has the Gators covering the 4 point spread. Let's be honest, any quarterback who could with a name like D.J. Shockley should be working at a nightclub on Long Island. For that reason alone, Florida wins, and stops Georgia's unbeaten streak.
Hope you enjoyed it, and as always, comments are appreciated.
SYRACUSE 5 Cincinnatti
Both teams are not good, but Syracuse is just plain bad. If any of you have seen the ESPN reality show with Dick Butkis as a high school football coach, I imagine this game will be fairly close to one of the high school games they show. The 'Cuse has a Sophomore QB "getting his first start" this week, and Cinci is still looking for their first Big East road win. I see Cinci outright beating The Orange this week. For Syracuse fans, Gerry McNamara and basketball can't come soon enough.
NEW MEXICO STATE 5½ Idaho
Wasn't Idaho ranked at one point this season? I swear I'm not making this up. Here's a fun fact, the University of Idaho is located in Moscow, Idaho. Here's another fun fact, the Vandals have had about as much success in Moscow this year as capitalism did in the 70's. Fortunately, Idaho plays in New Mexico this week. Unfortunately, they play a team with a running back named Muammar Ali. As the Russians saw in Afghanistan, guys with names like Muammar Ali, tend to beat the guys from Moscow. NM State wins.
Oklahoma 1½ NEBRASKA
A couple of years ago, this would have been a no-brainer. Now, I'm seriously having a tough time picking a winner. When the highlights of this game are "The Husker Nation Pavilion will salute and celebrate the 10-year anniversary of the 1995 Nebraska football team’s 12-0 season and national championship," and "Oklahoma goes in search of its third consecutive victory this Saturday," you know you're in trouble. I think ABC may blackout the game and show the 1971 matchup between Oklahoma and Nebraska instead. If my buddy Cheeques reads this, he'll probably stop talking to me for the number of digs I've made at the Sooners. Well, here's another one - Rhett Bomar has thrown for two touchdowns on the road this year. Last week Texas Tech's Cody Hodges had 2 in 2 quarters. On the road. Against Texas. Still, I think Bob Stoops just refuses to lose to Nebraska. Oklahoma wins.
Miami Ohio 22½ TEMPLE
As we say at Temple, Oy Vey. The Owls have allowed an average of 46 points per game. The good news is, they only have three games to go. The bad news is, this is their last "winnable" game. Temple could be the first team to get blown out by two Miami teams in three weeks. Even Bill Cosby can't save them. Miami rolls over Temple.
Let's just say its a good thing BC played yesterday, and couldn't be included as my lock of the week/upset special. Oops.
FLORIDA 4 Georgia
Ah, yes, the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. Nothing could ruin this game, well except for Nike. As many of you many have noticed during the VA Tech game this week, Nike is promoting their new Under-Armor type jerseys with a horrible alternate shoulder color
This alone may force me to pick against the Gators (which my cousin Erin would kill me for, especially on the game before her birthday - Happy Birthday, Erin). However, VA Tech's victory (with the jerseys) over BC and the fact that Georgia is still undefeated leads me to believe that the LOCK OF THE WEEK has the Gators covering the 4 point spread. Let's be honest, any quarterback who could with a name like D.J. Shockley should be working at a nightclub on Long Island. For that reason alone, Florida wins, and stops Georgia's unbeaten streak.Hope you enjoyed it, and as always, comments are appreciated.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Tag Team Action
I used to get a lot of heat from an ex who couldn't understand why I liked to watch wrestling. I mean what says manly more than watching a couple of sweaty guys in tights roll around in front of a couple thousand people and the winner is the one who lays on top of the other for three seconds?
There's a reason they call him the Heartbreak Kid, and I think it has something to do with the teal tiger print tights.
With that in mind, I had the following brain fart tonight while my girlfriend and her roommates were discussing the Iron Sheik's "Camel Clutch" as something a friend had tried during sex: Why is it that so many wrestling moves sound like sex terms and vice versa? I came up with the following list, and I ask you, dear readers to try and guess which of the terms refers to a sex term and which is a wrestling hold. Results to follow later this week. However, please note that even though some are obvious, you could very well mistake them. I mean, can't you just imagine Jim Ross screaming out, "My God! He just got him with the Dirty Sanchez! Eddie Guerro hit him with the Dirty Sanchez!"
1. Rings of Saturn
2. Monkey Flip
3. Angry Dragon
4. Mandible Claw
5. Strawberry Shortcake
6. Blumpkin
7. David Copperfield
8. Pole Ram
9. Polish Hammer
10. Fisherman Buster
11. Spinebuster
12. Snowblower
13. Stinky Pinky
14. Stump Puller
15. Hot Karl
16. Felch
17. Cross Face Chicken Wing
18. Lot Lizard
19. Sweet Chin Music
20. Asian Spike
Again, there is a correct answer for all of the questions. I could have been a jerk and included small package, biting, leg split and back fist, but those I'm not even sure of. Answers will be posted by the end of the week, so good luck!
There's a reason they call him the Heartbreak Kid, and I think it has something to do with the teal tiger print tights.With that in mind, I had the following brain fart tonight while my girlfriend and her roommates were discussing the Iron Sheik's "Camel Clutch" as something a friend had tried during sex: Why is it that so many wrestling moves sound like sex terms and vice versa? I came up with the following list, and I ask you, dear readers to try and guess which of the terms refers to a sex term and which is a wrestling hold. Results to follow later this week. However, please note that even though some are obvious, you could very well mistake them. I mean, can't you just imagine Jim Ross screaming out, "My God! He just got him with the Dirty Sanchez! Eddie Guerro hit him with the Dirty Sanchez!"
1. Rings of Saturn
2. Monkey Flip
3. Angry Dragon
4. Mandible Claw
5. Strawberry Shortcake
6. Blumpkin
7. David Copperfield
8. Pole Ram
9. Polish Hammer
10. Fisherman Buster
11. Spinebuster
12. Snowblower
13. Stinky Pinky
14. Stump Puller
15. Hot Karl
16. Felch
17. Cross Face Chicken Wing
18. Lot Lizard
19. Sweet Chin Music
20. Asian Spike
Again, there is a correct answer for all of the questions. I could have been a jerk and included small package, biting, leg split and back fist, but those I'm not even sure of. Answers will be posted by the end of the week, so good luck!
Monday, August 22, 2005
Beyonce, Lil John, and the Horah
I was invited to a wedding this past weekend, as one of my girlfriend's eight close female friends (I later learned they call themselves "Phatties" and the males are refered to as "Phatty-in-laws") got married. She was the third in the group to be married, and the wedding was a very nice Jewish affair with plenty of good food, beverages, and dancing to be had. However, one thing I've noticed (being this was my fourth wedding of the season) is that when you have a band at your wedding, Top 40's hits don't sound quite right.
Let me explain.
As I mentioned before, this was a traditional Jewish wedding, complete with very schmaltzy music, dancing, and plenty of "Mazel Tovs." In addition to having festivities with plenty of food and drink, Jews (and I am guilty of this as well) are know especially known for their rhythm or prowess on the dance floor. Mostly, we get by with a lot of holding hands, running in circles and clapping. In fact. this wedding featured one of the the most lively horahs I've ever seen, and the wedding singer labeled me a "pro." However, I'm not quite sure about the transition in music from a very lovely clarinet and trombone laden song from Fiddler on the Roof, to Beyonce and Jay-Z's Crazy In Love followed by Yeah by Usher and everyone's favorite King of Crunk, Lil John.
Hmmm.
Somehow, If I were a rich man . . . followed by Young Hove y'all know when the flow is loco, makes sense to the wedding singer (who as it was noted, looked like she was poured into her dress, and there was more tension in her control top undergarments than in the waiting room of a Planned Parenthood clinic). Regardless, the mix of music, seemingly pulled straight from a schizophrenic's iPod playlist, definately had Grandpa, Great Aunt Mildred and the bride's girlfriends hopping on the dance floor. Truly a sight to see. My point is this. Who sits down with the wedding singer (who I've decided not only lives on the Upper East Side of NYC, but probably lives somewhere around 72nd and 3rd) and says to her, "Okay, the set list will go like this - we'll do a nice Horah, have a few other slower circle dances, bust out into some Beyonce and Usher, and then finish it off with the bride and groom cutting the cake. It'll be fake hips meet hip-hop and then we'll have dessert." I know I wasn't the only one questioning this, because on my way out of the bathroom I definately overheard someone's grandparents talking about, "The very loud music that the band was playing, I didn't care for it."
As always, comments are appreciated.
Let me explain.
As I mentioned before, this was a traditional Jewish wedding, complete with very schmaltzy music, dancing, and plenty of "Mazel Tovs." In addition to having festivities with plenty of food and drink, Jews (and I am guilty of this as well) are know especially known for their rhythm or prowess on the dance floor. Mostly, we get by with a lot of holding hands, running in circles and clapping. In fact. this wedding featured one of the the most lively horahs I've ever seen, and the wedding singer labeled me a "pro." However, I'm not quite sure about the transition in music from a very lovely clarinet and trombone laden song from Fiddler on the Roof, to Beyonce and Jay-Z's Crazy In Love followed by Yeah by Usher and everyone's favorite King of Crunk, Lil John.
Hmmm.
Somehow, If I were a rich man . . . followed by Young Hove y'all know when the flow is loco, makes sense to the wedding singer (who as it was noted, looked like she was poured into her dress, and there was more tension in her control top undergarments than in the waiting room of a Planned Parenthood clinic). Regardless, the mix of music, seemingly pulled straight from a schizophrenic's iPod playlist, definately had Grandpa, Great Aunt Mildred and the bride's girlfriends hopping on the dance floor. Truly a sight to see. My point is this. Who sits down with the wedding singer (who I've decided not only lives on the Upper East Side of NYC, but probably lives somewhere around 72nd and 3rd) and says to her, "Okay, the set list will go like this - we'll do a nice Horah, have a few other slower circle dances, bust out into some Beyonce and Usher, and then finish it off with the bride and groom cutting the cake. It'll be fake hips meet hip-hop and then we'll have dessert." I know I wasn't the only one questioning this, because on my way out of the bathroom I definately overheard someone's grandparents talking about, "The very loud music that the band was playing, I didn't care for it."
As always, comments are appreciated.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Constipation of the Brain
So it’s been a while since my last brain fart. I keep having ideas pop into my head only to forget them when I sit down at the computer (which was on the fritz for a while). Highly frustrating. Anyhow, this one I've been working on for a while and I decided to share it after reading Jessica Simpson's quote that, "At school my boobs were bigger than all my friends' and I was afraid to show them. Now I feel they make my outfits look better. They're like an accessory."
Now before you say anything, there are a few ways I could go with this. However, 1) the “Jessica is Dumb” thing is played out. No one is shocked when stupid things come out of her mouth. 2) We all know Jessica Simpson has boobs. She flaunts them enough in the "Boots are Made for Walking" video as well as the Dukes of Hazzard remake (somewhere, Sorrel Booke is spinning) so we've all become well acquainted.
What I have taken issue with is the overwhelming misuse of accessories. The following things ARE accessories: Belts, Shoes, Earrings. The following things ARE NOT accessories: Little Dogs, Boobs, Asian Girlfriends.
I've picked up on this trend over the past few months. We all saw Paris Hilton and Tinkerbell. Soon Britney Spears, , even everyone's favorite ex-Spice Girl Geri Haliwell had one of those dogs made to be carried around in designer handbags. For the record, anyone who buys an animal smaller than something I pooed and calls it a dog should get a gerbil. They're more fun - just ask Richard Gere.
Back to my rant. Before long, Mrs. Federline, Ginger Spice and most recently good old Paris traded in their "beloved lap dogs." I hope this fall's trend will shift to something that is larger than a post-drinking B.M. Now I'm no animal rights activist, but when all of these tiny dogs suddenly become "uncool" who is going to take them? Can we just ship them off to Vietnam? Somebody please fill me in here.
Additionally, and I've gotten this from a number of white girls who suddenly find themselves without dates, when did it become cool to date an Asian girl? Was there some mutual decision made that I was unaware of? I'm curious (not that I have any problem with the situation) to get an opinion on the matter. Last week I saw this homely white guy with a cute Asian girl on the train to NY. They were definitely dating, and I wanted to stop and ask her, "At what point did you wake up and say, 'You know what? I want to date a white guy who wears dirty sweatpants out of the house.'?" Hey, more power to you if you find someone you are attracted to, but let's not go overboard on the trend here. On behalf of Asian women everywhere, I know what it feels like to be a human accessory (try having your girlfriend suggest you wear a leather cuff and necklace or get dressed up like Justin Timberlake for New Years) - it ain't fun.
In closing, Jessica Simpson - we love your boobs. We know you're proud of them. But an accessory they do not make. I know you say they fill out your clothes better, but come on - if I can't consider this pair of tube socks in my shorts an accessory, you can't claim your boobs are either.
Now before you say anything, there are a few ways I could go with this. However, 1) the “Jessica is Dumb” thing is played out. No one is shocked when stupid things come out of her mouth. 2) We all know Jessica Simpson has boobs. She flaunts them enough in the "Boots are Made for Walking" video as well as the Dukes of Hazzard remake (somewhere, Sorrel Booke is spinning) so we've all become well acquainted.
What I have taken issue with is the overwhelming misuse of accessories. The following things ARE accessories: Belts, Shoes, Earrings. The following things ARE NOT accessories: Little Dogs, Boobs, Asian Girlfriends.
I've picked up on this trend over the past few months. We all saw Paris Hilton and Tinkerbell. Soon Britney Spears, , even everyone's favorite ex-Spice Girl Geri Haliwell had one of those dogs made to be carried around in designer handbags. For the record, anyone who buys an animal smaller than something I pooed and calls it a dog should get a gerbil. They're more fun - just ask Richard Gere.
Back to my rant. Before long, Mrs. Federline, Ginger Spice and most recently good old Paris traded in their "beloved lap dogs." I hope this fall's trend will shift to something that is larger than a post-drinking B.M. Now I'm no animal rights activist, but when all of these tiny dogs suddenly become "uncool" who is going to take them? Can we just ship them off to Vietnam? Somebody please fill me in here.
Additionally, and I've gotten this from a number of white girls who suddenly find themselves without dates, when did it become cool to date an Asian girl? Was there some mutual decision made that I was unaware of? I'm curious (not that I have any problem with the situation) to get an opinion on the matter. Last week I saw this homely white guy with a cute Asian girl on the train to NY. They were definitely dating, and I wanted to stop and ask her, "At what point did you wake up and say, 'You know what? I want to date a white guy who wears dirty sweatpants out of the house.'?" Hey, more power to you if you find someone you are attracted to, but let's not go overboard on the trend here. On behalf of Asian women everywhere, I know what it feels like to be a human accessory (try having your girlfriend suggest you wear a leather cuff and necklace or get dressed up like Justin Timberlake for New Years) - it ain't fun.
In closing, Jessica Simpson - we love your boobs. We know you're proud of them. But an accessory they do not make. I know you say they fill out your clothes better, but come on - if I can't consider this pair of tube socks in my shorts an accessory, you can't claim your boobs are either.
Monday, June 06, 2005
Silent isn't always deadly
Big blow to the blog this week. My computer is in the shop with a failed Hard Drive, so I'm forced to write from work. Never fear, I'm still passing a couple your way to enjoy. Oh, and by the way - if you plan on making egg salad on a 90 degree day, your kitchen will smell like farts. Just wanted to let you know.
Today during lunch I'm taking a walk outside of my office when I came across two blocks worth of movie trailers and filming equipment. Being the curious lad that I am, I stopped to see what movie was being filmed. As it turns out, the signs reserving the street were for a movie called "The Departed," a Martin Scorsese film which looks pretty cool (IMDB site ) and stars Matt Damon, Mark (and brother Robert) Wahlberg, Jack Nicholson, and Leonardo DiCraprio. I started wondering, If I bump into one of these guys during lunch at my deli, what is the proper protocol for saying hello? Is there a different greeting for the different levels of actor? For instance, upon seeing Matt Damon when you cross the street, do you simply nod, smile and be on your way? Does a Jack Nicholson-type warrant a, "Wow, I'm a big fan," reaction? And when you bump into Robert Wahlberg when ordering your sandwich, should you greet him with, "Oh, and Bob, I'd like fries with that too, please?" I'm not sure, but if I see any of them, I'll let you know.
My buddy Chris ran into Johnny Knoxville on his way back to the office today, and was telling me about it. This brought up a related question. Is it proper to run up to Knoxville, smash him over the head with something, and quickly yell, "I'm Johnny Knoxville - welcome to Jackass!" before running away? Do you think he almost expects to have crap hurled at him or people attempting stupid things in front of him every time he goes out in public? I know if I had seen him today, I probable would have run up to him, scarfed down my lunch, thrown it up into the bag, eaten it again and yelled the obligatory "Welcome to Jackass" line. It would have ruled.
Again, thoughts, comments, and questions are appreciated.
Today during lunch I'm taking a walk outside of my office when I came across two blocks worth of movie trailers and filming equipment. Being the curious lad that I am, I stopped to see what movie was being filmed. As it turns out, the signs reserving the street were for a movie called "The Departed," a Martin Scorsese film which looks pretty cool (IMDB site ) and stars Matt Damon, Mark (and brother Robert) Wahlberg, Jack Nicholson, and Leonardo DiCraprio. I started wondering, If I bump into one of these guys during lunch at my deli, what is the proper protocol for saying hello? Is there a different greeting for the different levels of actor? For instance, upon seeing Matt Damon when you cross the street, do you simply nod, smile and be on your way? Does a Jack Nicholson-type warrant a, "Wow, I'm a big fan," reaction? And when you bump into Robert Wahlberg when ordering your sandwich, should you greet him with, "Oh, and Bob, I'd like fries with that too, please?" I'm not sure, but if I see any of them, I'll let you know.
My buddy Chris ran into Johnny Knoxville on his way back to the office today, and was telling me about it. This brought up a related question. Is it proper to run up to Knoxville, smash him over the head with something, and quickly yell, "I'm Johnny Knoxville - welcome to Jackass!" before running away? Do you think he almost expects to have crap hurled at him or people attempting stupid things in front of him every time he goes out in public? I know if I had seen him today, I probable would have run up to him, scarfed down my lunch, thrown it up into the bag, eaten it again and yelled the obligatory "Welcome to Jackass" line. It would have ruled.
Again, thoughts, comments, and questions are appreciated.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
And the award goes to . . .
So I'm at my desk today, and someone comes up to me and in a very quiet voice asks a question about the production of a book. Now the question was fairly straightforward, but what caught my attention was the manner in which he asked it. He kind of snuck up on me and in a real quiet voice asked his question - all stereotypical serial killer-like. This got me thinking, there are a bunch of people in my office that fit into what I’ll call the “modified high school superlative” category. You know what I'm talking about - you see it in your co-workers, your boss, the guy in the mailroom who listens to his walkman all day. People who make you stop and think, "I bet he/she would be a ____ if they weren't working here." Who knows, maybe they are. Anyways, here are the categories that I see in my office. Feel free to share your own.
Most Likely to . . .
Be a serial killer
Do soft-core porn on the side (long ponytail and all)
Have a bleeding ulcer (down to the requisite grimaces and guttural groans)
Throw their computer out the window - these people have a full on fight with their PC everyday. And lose.
Always look dressed up but never actually go anywhere - there's this guy who is really nice and everything, but on random days he'll wear a jacket and tie. He's not interviewing for jobs (not that I know of), but sits at his desk all day with this jacket and tie. I just don't get it.
Be sleeping with the majority of the office (this one I’ve heard exists everywhere - I've just never been in that half)
Which brings me to a side fart (hmmm . . . ) - do these "office relationships" really exist? I can only think of one co-worker I've ever been "involved" with and that was while in college. I know a lot of my co-workers joke around and flirt, but I can't think of one person who is dating or "involved" with a co-worker in my office. There are a few that definitely give off the "if you buy me a few drinks, I'll go home with you" vibe, but I've never encountered it firsthand. This may warrant investigation, strictly for the sake of knowledge.
That's all I have time for now - thanks for stopping by.
Most Likely to . . .
Be a serial killer
Do soft-core porn on the side (long ponytail and all)
Have a bleeding ulcer (down to the requisite grimaces and guttural groans)
Throw their computer out the window - these people have a full on fight with their PC everyday. And lose.
Always look dressed up but never actually go anywhere - there's this guy who is really nice and everything, but on random days he'll wear a jacket and tie. He's not interviewing for jobs (not that I know of), but sits at his desk all day with this jacket and tie. I just don't get it.
Be sleeping with the majority of the office (this one I’ve heard exists everywhere - I've just never been in that half)
Which brings me to a side fart (hmmm . . . ) - do these "office relationships" really exist? I can only think of one co-worker I've ever been "involved" with and that was while in college. I know a lot of my co-workers joke around and flirt, but I can't think of one person who is dating or "involved" with a co-worker in my office. There are a few that definitely give off the "if you buy me a few drinks, I'll go home with you" vibe, but I've never encountered it firsthand. This may warrant investigation, strictly for the sake of knowledge.
That's all I have time for now - thanks for stopping by.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
What's that smell? It was my brain fart!
So I've been thinking, I have all these random thoughts that develop in my head, and most of the time I just fall asleep before I can really ponder them. So usually these things pop into my head late at night, or early in the morning when I'm on the train to work. Or after lunch when I'm having a "Business Meeting." Like for instance, why does the E train station at World Trade Center always smell like urine? If you've ever come into New York City via the PATH train into WTC, you know what I'm talking about. I mean we're talking serious port-a-potty, Central Park South-esque (another topic I'll visit) urine reekage here. I'm really not so sure what the deal is - there seems to be adequate air flow into the station, I've seen the floors washed with a hose before, and its not like there are so many nooks and crannies to hide in when you go number one. However, no matter when you walk through - 9:00 on a Monday morning or 8:00 on a Saturday night, it always smells like pee. Furthermore, I've never actually seen anyone do their business in the station. Is this something MTA can look into? Is it a vast conspiracy to make me move through the station quicker? Is the smell pumped in by some sort of sadistic government official? And if I lose the daily battle with my gag reflex and let loose a torrent of violent projectile vomit, can I sue the city? Or will they just leave my puke to cover up the foul urine smell. Comments and feedback would be appreciated.
Also, I'd also like to add that the receptionist in my office just walked over to my desk and asked me to take her picture with a vase of flowers outside an empty office. First off, how wierd is this? You're sitting at your desk typing away at an email and then out of nowhere you here, "Lee, would you mind taking my picture in front of an office? I have a few more pictures on this role and I don't want them to go to waste." Um, sure, no problem. I mean I'm no Ansel Adams, but I really don't get the artistic value of holding a vase of flowers in front of an office that is not yours just so you're not wasting photos. It didn't so much give me the creeps as it made me wonder, "Am I secretly being filmed for a new reality TV show where they get slightly creepy people to ask slightly creepy favors of their co-workers? Does FOX have this in development yet? If not, they should.
Hope you enjoy my blog, I'll try to update it every other day or so with a new brain fart.
Also, I'd also like to add that the receptionist in my office just walked over to my desk and asked me to take her picture with a vase of flowers outside an empty office. First off, how wierd is this? You're sitting at your desk typing away at an email and then out of nowhere you here, "Lee, would you mind taking my picture in front of an office? I have a few more pictures on this role and I don't want them to go to waste." Um, sure, no problem. I mean I'm no Ansel Adams, but I really don't get the artistic value of holding a vase of flowers in front of an office that is not yours just so you're not wasting photos. It didn't so much give me the creeps as it made me wonder, "Am I secretly being filmed for a new reality TV show where they get slightly creepy people to ask slightly creepy favors of their co-workers? Does FOX have this in development yet? If not, they should.
Hope you enjoy my blog, I'll try to update it every other day or so with a new brain fart.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
