Constipation of the Brain

So it’s been a while since my last brain fart. I keep having ideas pop into my head only to forget them when I sit down at the computer (which was on the fritz for a while). Highly frustrating. Anyhow, this one I've been working on for a while and I decided to share it after reading Jessica Simpson's quote that, "At school my boobs were bigger than all my friends' and I was afraid to show them. Now I feel they make my outfits look better. They're like an accessory."

Now before you say anything, there are a few ways I could go with this. However, 1) the “Jessica is Dumb” thing is played out. No one is shocked when stupid things come out of her mouth. 2) We all know Jessica Simpson has boobs. She flaunts them enough in the "Boots are Made for Walking" video as well as the Dukes of Hazzard remake (somewhere, Sorrel Booke is spinning) so we've all become well acquainted.

What I have taken issue with is the overwhelming misuse of accessories. The following things ARE accessories: Belts, Shoes, Earrings. The following things ARE NOT accessories: Little Dogs, Boobs, Asian Girlfriends.

I've picked up on this trend over the past few months. We all saw Paris Hilton and Tinkerbell. Soon Britney Spears, , even everyone's favorite ex-Spice Girl Geri Haliwell had one of those dogs made to be carried around in designer handbags. For the record, anyone who buys an animal smaller than something I pooed and calls it a dog should get a gerbil. They're more fun - just ask Richard Gere.

Back to my rant. Before long, Mrs. Federline, Ginger Spice and most recently good old Paris traded in their "beloved lap dogs." I hope this fall's trend will shift to something that is larger than a post-drinking B.M. Now I'm no animal rights activist, but when all of these tiny dogs suddenly become "uncool" who is going to take them? Can we just ship them off to Vietnam? Somebody please fill me in here.

Additionally, and I've gotten this from a number of white girls who suddenly find themselves without dates, when did it become cool to date an Asian girl? Was there some mutual decision made that I was unaware of? I'm curious (not that I have any problem with the situation) to get an opinion on the matter. Last week I saw this homely white guy with a cute Asian girl on the train to NY. They were definitely dating, and I wanted to stop and ask her, "At what point did you wake up and say, 'You know what? I want to date a white guy who wears dirty sweatpants out of the house.'?" Hey, more power to you if you find someone you are attracted to, but let's not go overboard on the trend here. On behalf of Asian women everywhere, I know what it feels like to be a human accessory (try having your girlfriend suggest you wear a leather cuff and necklace or get dressed up like Justin Timberlake for New Years) - it ain't fun.

In closing, Jessica Simpson - we love your boobs. We know you're proud of them. But an accessory they do not make. I know you say they fill out your clothes better, but come on - if I can't consider this pair of tube socks in my shorts an accessory, you can't claim your boobs are either.