Week 9 - And rolling like Rutgers

Big week for Lee last week (and yes, if you go 5-0, you are allowed to speak about yourself in the third person). Thanks to a 10 point 4th quarter from Michigan, I had my first perfect week this season. However, in the words of Winston Wolfe when they show Pulp Fiction on network TV, "let's not start slapping each other's backs just yet." In other news, I'm sure we're all excited about Florida International University's return to the gridiron this week, especially since they're playing Alabama and are ready to "shock the world." Um, I'm not sure that after getting into a huge brawl against Miami, an FIU team that is 0-7 and missing 9 starters can do much else to shock the world (that is unless they set Bryant-Denny Stadium on fire or kidnap Alabama's mascot or something).

Maurice Clarett nominee: Another tough one this week - especially following in the footsteps of both Miami and FIU, but UConn has done it again. Quickly becoming the Thug U of the northeast, UConn has another player in the news, this time backup guard Donald Thomas. Thomas was arrested after starting a fight inside Wings Over Storrs, a campus restaurant. I'm not sure any of you has been to a "Wings Over (insert your local college town here)," these restaurants are a dime a dozen (well not really - but a dozen wings for a dime would be amazing) and late nights they're usually filled with students whose hunger has been, "chemically induced." I took a look at the menu for this place, and you can actually order 6 pounds of boneless wings for $58, 120 wings for $63, or if you really want to have a coronary, you can order Two Full Racks of Ribs, 60 Wings, 40 Boneless wings, 2 large french fries, 2 large coleslaw, and 3 - 2 liter sodas for a mere $100! Well worth fighting over, Donald! On to the picks.

Last week: 5-0
This season: 21-18-1

MIZZOU -2 Oklahoma

Last week Oklahoma proved that they could still compete without Adrian Peterson. Well against Colorado anyway. This week the Sooners take on Missouri and QB Chase Daniel who has thrown for 19 TDs this season and rushed for another 3. On the flip side, Oklahoma's defense is giving up only one passing TD per game this season, and held Colorado to 39 yards passing last week. Sounds like the perfect "unstoppable force meets the immovable object" game. The only thing that concerns me is that though the Tigers are 5-0 at home this year, they've only beaten Oklahoma once in the last 22 years, and I'm pretty sure Jason White had something to do with at least half of those games. What this boils down to is whether or not OU's defense can keep up their recent success against one of the top air attacks in the nation. I say they can. Oklahoma and the points will beat Missouri.

Vanderbilt -9.5 DUKE

I'm sure you're all saying, "Seriously, Lee, you're picking the Vandy / Duke game?" Yes - When you're Lee Lubarsky and you have your own pretend weekly football column, you can pick whatever games you want. But for now, you'll have to deal with my picks. To be honest, the only reason I'm picking this game is because its Halloween weekend, the Devils are 0-7, and strange things happen with Devils on Halloween. Yeah, it sounded dumb to me too, but if Duke can put up 13 points in a quarter against Miami's JV squad, they might be able to come within 10 of a team that lost by 18 to Steve Spurrier last week. And when I lose this game you can say you told me so. I'll take Duke and the points.

Penn State -3 PURDUE

This game very well could be one of the best matchups all season. No, seriously. Penn State has lost three games this season to top 5 opponents (two of which - Ohio State and Michigan - will likely compete for the national title, and Notre Dame, who still thinks that they deserve a shot at the championship, just ask Charlie Weis). Likewise, Purdue has only lost to Notre Dame, Iowa and Wisconsin, all top 25 teams. Even with their 5-3 record, the Boilermakers are still only managing a margin of victory of 0.5 points per game. While Purdue has a solid QB in Curtis Painter (13 TDs, 2405 yards), their defense has been less than stellar, giving up an average of 29 points per game. The bottom line is that Purdue's passing game has been great all season minus last week's debacle against Wisconsin. I don't think Penn State can keep up with the Boilermakers' passing game, especially not on the road. Plus it always makes me laugh when Joe Paterno does that slow jog off the field at halftime. Watching 79 year-old men run is funny. I'll take Purdue with the points in this one.

FLORIDA -14 Georgia (at Jacksonville)

Ah yes, the artist formerly known as the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. This game is always my favorite to pick. I mean, with that many people getting drunk, how can anyone lose? Florida is still smarting from their embarrassing loss to Auburn, and with Georgia coming off a 27-24 win against Mississippi State, this game has all the makings of an upset. Yeah, not so much. I really have no big comment for this game other than the fact that if Georgia loses this game, they likely won't beat anyone else except Kentucky this season. Florida should have no problem in this one, and then they can go off and celebrate at the World's Largest Outdoor Non-Alcoholic Beverage Party. Florida covers the spread.

Notre Dame -13 NAVY ( at Baltimore)

This is always my favorite game to pick, the "Jesse Martineau Classic," so named for Jesse's love of both Notre Dame and the Navy. I'm really torn on this game, and I'll tell you why. Charlie Weis historically has not been one to run up the score against teams (Notre Dame is 1-9-1 ATS in their last 11 games), and Brady Quinn and his offense have shown flashes of greatness this season (5 TDs @ Michigan State), as well as glimmers of futility (5 sacks allowed against UCLA). However, Navy is the type of team that has given their opponents fits this season and their only losses have come two weeks ago against Big East Champion-to-be Rutgers, and a 1 point overtime squeaker against Tulsa. Plus, the Midshipmen will start QB Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada. That alone should be enough for Navy to overcome 42 straight losses to the Irish. Alas, it won't happen this week, and though Notre Dame is notorious for playing down to their opponents this season, I see them winning by more than 2 TDs. I'll go out on a limb and pick Notre Dame to cover the spread. Maybe a good outing from the Irish will stop Charlie Weis from crying about the rankings in his press conference this week.

Until next week . . .

Week 8 - I was about to go down the elevator and get into that thing

Never wanting to disappoint, the University of Miami, with the help of Florida International may have very well won the Maurice Clarett award this season. As if it wasn't bad enough to be 0-6 and be losing 14-0, you "get your butt beat" in a brawl on the field. The only thing uglier than that was Florida's poor showing against Auburn last week. I guess Auburn doesn't lose twice at home in back-to-back weeks after going shopping with their wife. Or something like that.

Last week: 3-2
This season: 16-18-1

Maurice Clarett nominee: With so many to choose from, I'll have to go with Hurricane's broadcaster (and former player) Lamar Thomas. Yes, the brawl was an unfortunate incident, and yes, if Joe Buck had been calling the game, his head might have exploded, but Thomas, kidding or not, didn't help matters much by commenting, "You come into our house, you should get your behind kicked. You don't come into the OB playing that stuff. You're across the ocean over there. You're across the city. You can't come over to our place talking noise like that. You'll get your butt beat." I know Thomas got caught up in the moment, but across the ocean? Dude, the two schools are like nine miles apart. Someone didn't take geography when he was at The U. On to the picks.

OKLAHOMA -14 Colorado

Ok, so the Sooners took a big step backwards last week as star RB Adrian Peterson broke his collarbone and will miss the rest of the regular season. How important was Peterson to the Sooners? About as important as El Duque and Pedro were to the Mets pitching staff, and look how that turned out. However, the Mets found ways to win without their stars, and I think Oklahoma will do the same. Peterson was a beast on offense, but the Sooners are still relying more on their passing game than their running game this season. QB and unlikely hero Paul Thompson has thrown for 10 TDs this season, and Oklahoma's defense is holding opponents to an average of 6.3 points over the last three games. Not only that, but this is Colorado - as in "shiny happy people holding hands" Colorado? The Buffs are coming off their first win of the season, and if anyone thinks they'll be able to keep up with the Sooners in Norman, I have some Mets World Series tickets sell them. Oklahoma covers the spread.

FSU -6.5 Boston College

BC beat up on a solid VA Tech team last week, but may be missing QB Matt Ryan who is questionable this week with a foot injury. Florida State beat Duke, Rice, Troy, and snuck by Miami in Week 1. I don't mean to put down the Noles, but I'm not even sure Bobby Bowden was awake for half of those games. This week, FSU will have to rely on their passing game to beat the Eagles. Most of this responsibility will lie on the shoulders of the Seminoles' leading receiver, De'Cody Fagg, and we all know how the Catholics at BC feel about Faggs . . . I have Boston College with the points over Florida State.

NOTRE DAME -14 Ucla

Screw you Notre Dame. You and your 5-1 record look so inviting even though you're 1-4-1 against the spread. And screw you too, UCLA for never having beaten Notre Dame. Everything in this game points to Notre dame being able to cover the spread. Yeah, that's what I said two weeks ago, and the Irish managed to botch that one against an awful Stanford team. Even UCLA beat Stanford by 31. Therefore, using the transitive property of equality, if UCLA beat Stanford by 31, and Notre Dame beat Stanford by 21, UCLA should beat Notre Dame by 10. See, I knew high school math would come in handy. I'll take UCLA with the points. Prove me wrong, Charlie Weis.

PITTSBURGH -6.5 Rutgers

Yeah, the other game in the Big East is in two weeks, but for now, this could answer a lot of questions surrounding unbeaten teams in the league. Are Rutgers and RB Ray Rice for real? Should Pitt's 38-23 loss to Michigan State be a better indicator than their 51-6 victory over The Citadel? Do all of West Virginia's players sleep with their sisters/cousins? Just how does Louisville's Mario Urrutia pronounce his last name? Needless to say, with such burning questions, I asked a real expert, my roommate Jason the bridal gown designer, for his take on the game.
Jason: "What is Pittsburgh's mascot?"
Me: "The Panthers"
Jason: "Ok, hmm. What is Rutgers' mascot?"
Me: "They're the Scarlet Knights."
Jason: "Oh that sounds much cooler. I think Rutgers will win."
I trust Jason' judgment, and I'll take Rutgers with the points.

MICHIGAN -13.5 Iowa

A win over Penn State and a catatonic Joe Paterno last week, coupled with Florida's debacle against Auburn moved the Big Blue into the number 2 spot in the country. Awesome, just what everyone was hoping for, an eventual showdown with THE Ohio State University for the Big Ten (11) championship on November 18th which will probably overshadow the BCS National Championship at the end of the season because of stupid Pete Carroll's USC team that keeps winning games, resulting in another discussion on the effectiveness of the BCS at determining a national champion. Sorry, I got a little carried away for a second. Iowa lost to Indiana last week, and anyone with half a brain (thinly veiled Terry Hoeppner reference) should be able to beat Indiana. I think Michigan wins this one handily at home against an Iowa team that is clearly overmatched. Plus, I don't think Lerner can take the stress of the Mets and Michigan losing in the same week. Michigan covers the spread.

Until next week . . .

Week 7 - Just Call Me MJ . . .

. . . Because I'm stuck with the 2-3. I've realized that either a) I know nothing about these games and I should really watch more football or b) I'm overanalyzing it too much and should go with my gut feeling (like Notre Dame not covering - again). I'll take the latter.

This week was an especially big one in New York sports. Yes, the Yankees are out of the playoffs, yes Joe Torre still has a job, but more importantly, Yankee pitcher Cory Lidle crashed his plane into the side of an apartment building in New York. I know I'm supposed to play the "Red Sox fan who hates everything Yankees" but as a big baseball fan, and guy who had Lidle on his fantasy baseball team, I can't but feel sad. However the $450 Lidle helped me win will not be going to his kid's college fund.

Last Week: 2-3
This Season: 13-16-1

Maurice Clarett award nominee: The Wisconsin Badger Marching Band narrowly beating out VA Tech WR Josh Hyman who was suspended from Thursday night's game after blowing a .12 and being charged with DUI early last Friday morning. Get it, Hyman was busted for DUI. The Wisconsin Band was put on probation for behavior "that can be seen as anything from boorish and offensive to patently dangerous and unlawful." The Chancellor of the school John Wiley warned the band that any continued acts of "gratuitous vulgarity, sexualized banter or joking, hazing, or other forms of demeaning conduct" would result in the suspension of the band's season. Gratuitous vulgarity? Sexualized banter? What is left for these band kids to talk about? And I thought that "and this one time at band camp" joke would get old. Thanks Badgers!

On to the picks.

Auburn -1 Florida

I could talk about how the outcome of this game is likely going to shake up the SEC and that both teams are likely to be bowl bound (including Florida's potential shot at a National Championship) or the fact that the Gator QB tandem of Chris Leak and Tim Tebow are getting fans in Gainesville as excited about this team as they used to get during the good ole days of fun-and-gun, but I won't do that. Instead, I'll tell you that Auburn has a WR named Lee Guess. I think that's an invitation. Florida takes the point and beats Auburn.

California -8.5 Washington State

"Hey Cal QB Nate Longshore, why aren't you a Heisman candidate? You've only thrown for 1400 yards and 17 TD's. Your team is 5-1 and ranked 10th in the nation. You took Oregon behind the woodshed last week and blew open what should have been a close game. Oh, that's right; you lost to Tennessee in Week 1. That must be it." Cal covers the spread.

Maryland -4 Virginia

Man do I hate Maryland football. I hate those stupid "We must protect this HOUSE" commercials, I hate that they play in Byrd Stadium even though their mascot is a turtle, and I hate the swagger that Maryland fans get because they had one good season under that stomach-stapling coach of theirs Ralph Freidgen. However, this season Maryland has beaten the teams they should have (William & Mary, Middle Tennessee, Florida International) and lost to teams they should have lost to (West Virginia, Georgia Tech). This week, Maryland goes to Charlottesville for their first real "iffy" game. And as much as I dislike Maryland, they ALWAYS get up for the game against the Cavaliers. Plus Maryland's QB is out to prove that he ain't no Hollenbach-girl. Sorry - I couldn't resist. Maryland covers this one.

Arizona -4 Stanford

Not even the "Stanford Band is on the field" could save this season. Fortunately for the Cardinal, this is their best shot at a win this season. Unfortunately for them it probably won't happen this week. No wonder the girl who wore the Tree costume drank so much. Arizona covers the spread.

Navy -1.5 Rutgers

Rutgers burned me two weeks ago with the "blocked" field goal in the 4th quarter that would have put them up by 5 thus covering the 4 point spread. However, the field goal was blocked, they won by 2, and yup, Lee went 2-3 for the week. Rutgers is one of 3 Big East schools that remain undefeated. Yes, we're still talking about football. I'm of the school of thought that thinks Service Academies are full of fantastic athletes, but that you'll never see Army, Navy or the Air Force contend for a National Title. That being said, I think Rutgers has a legitimate shot at a big bowl game this year, and Navy will not get in their way of staying undefeated. Heisman committee, do you hear that knocking? It's Ray Rice, and he and his 11 TD's want to come in. Rutgers covers this week and rolls to 6-0. Hell may freeze over.

Until next week . . .

Week 6 - Keeping Your Head Above Water

Just like the Jeffersons, I'm barely staying near the .500 mark. After another 2-3 week, I'm feeling like the Mets' pitching staff. No, not old and overpaid - bruised but managing to stay alive. For now. Yes, I'm a bitter Red Sox fan - deal with it. On to the picks.

Last week 2-3
This season 11-13-1

This week's Maurice Clarett nominee: Mississippi State defensive back Adron Chambers who was suspended from the team and arrested on charges of attempted sexual battery. Evidently sexual battery is a felony, and not something you put into a vibrator. Who knew? Honorable mention to members of the Yale football team for fighting in public with the hockey team. I remember guys I knew in college who played hockey and guys who played football. Yes, the football players were big, strong and intimidating, but the hockey players were just plain crazy. I'm just glad that I was on the same intramural hockey team as the hockey players and not facing off against them. These are guys who used to get into fights during intramural games with guys on their club hockey team. Seriously they were certifiably crazy. You'd think that Yale students might have the foresight not to get into a scuffle with hockey players. Oh well - there's always Harvard.

CALIFORNIA -5.5 Oregon

Cal QB Nate Longshore has a major chip on his shoulder. Even though the Bears have won their last 4 games, scoring 40+ points in each, Longshore feels all anyone keeps talking about is their week 1 loss to Tennessee. Yes, the 4 wins have come against opponents who are a combined 10-9 this season, and yes, Longshore has completed 67% of his passes this season. So Cal is probably right when they say that the Tennessee loss was an anomaly. However - here's a message to the Bears. Instead of complaining about the media's focus on the lone loss of the season, how about turning your attention to Oregon? The Ducks are 5-0 this season, and QB Dennis Dixon (your mouth) is averaging 40 points and 497 yards per game. I don't know much, but 497 yards a game is a lot. Look for Oregon and Dixon (your mouth) to assert themselves this week and give the media another game to bug Nate Longshore about. I'll take Oregon with the points.

NOTRE DAME -31.5 Stanford

In the words of President Bush, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice . . . you can't fool me again." Last week Notre Dame for the second time did not not cover the spread. They pushed. This makes the Irish 1-3-1 against the spread this season. Enter Stanford. Stanford is 0-5 this season, and 0-5 against the spread. The oddsmakers are taunting just about everyone this week with a spread of over 31 points. The key stat - the Irish are just missing the spread every week whereas Stanford misses it by at least a touchdown every week. I think this is where Brady Quinn starts to separate himself from the rest of the Heisman pack. Notre Dame (gulp) covers. I think.

Pittsburgh -7 SYRACUSE

When did Syracuse get good? They're seriously 3-2? Why wasn't I aware of this? Oh, that's right, it's the Big East, and I don't care. I'll take Pitt to cover.

FIU -3.5 NORTH TEXAS

Okay, I'm recycling a joke from last week. Did we learn nothing? FIU was favored last week by 7.5 and managed to lose that one by 25. 0-5 FIU! Yes, North Texas lost to Middle Tennessee last week 35-0 (who lost to Oklahoma 59-0 bringing up the question, "Could Oklahoma beat North Texas by 94?"). I still think that A'mod Ned is no name for a running back, and North Texas' QB is named Woody. Hee hee - the Mean Green has a Woody. I'll take North Texas with the points.

Wyoming -1.5 NEW MEXICO

Evidently the coach for New Mexico is named Rocky Long. Seriously - that's his given name, and as far as I know, he's never done porn or anything. However, his dad Rod was a football player at BYU in the late 1940s. Wait, his dad's name is Rod Long, and he named his son Rocky? How did this family not get into the porn industry? Amazing. Almost as amazing as New Mexico being a home underdog to 1-4 Wyoming (who are 0-2 on the road this season and lost in double OT to Syracuse last week). I'm going with New Mexico and the points.

Yes, I know the Red River Shootout is this week, and yes, I know this will probably be the closest game since the mid-nineties, but I can't decide if Oklahoma is primed to take back the Golden Hat or if Texas would make it two in a row. The truth is, I have a good idea who is going to win this game, but a couple of Sooner fans would be pretty pissed if I picked against OU so we'll leave it at that. See you next week.