Week 8 - I was about to go down the elevator and get into that thing

Never wanting to disappoint, the University of Miami, with the help of Florida International may have very well won the Maurice Clarett award this season. As if it wasn't bad enough to be 0-6 and be losing 14-0, you "get your butt beat" in a brawl on the field. The only thing uglier than that was Florida's poor showing against Auburn last week. I guess Auburn doesn't lose twice at home in back-to-back weeks after going shopping with their wife. Or something like that.

Last week: 3-2
This season: 16-18-1

Maurice Clarett nominee: With so many to choose from, I'll have to go with Hurricane's broadcaster (and former player) Lamar Thomas. Yes, the brawl was an unfortunate incident, and yes, if Joe Buck had been calling the game, his head might have exploded, but Thomas, kidding or not, didn't help matters much by commenting, "You come into our house, you should get your behind kicked. You don't come into the OB playing that stuff. You're across the ocean over there. You're across the city. You can't come over to our place talking noise like that. You'll get your butt beat." I know Thomas got caught up in the moment, but across the ocean? Dude, the two schools are like nine miles apart. Someone didn't take geography when he was at The U. On to the picks.

OKLAHOMA -14 Colorado

Ok, so the Sooners took a big step backwards last week as star RB Adrian Peterson broke his collarbone and will miss the rest of the regular season. How important was Peterson to the Sooners? About as important as El Duque and Pedro were to the Mets pitching staff, and look how that turned out. However, the Mets found ways to win without their stars, and I think Oklahoma will do the same. Peterson was a beast on offense, but the Sooners are still relying more on their passing game than their running game this season. QB and unlikely hero Paul Thompson has thrown for 10 TDs this season, and Oklahoma's defense is holding opponents to an average of 6.3 points over the last three games. Not only that, but this is Colorado - as in "shiny happy people holding hands" Colorado? The Buffs are coming off their first win of the season, and if anyone thinks they'll be able to keep up with the Sooners in Norman, I have some Mets World Series tickets sell them. Oklahoma covers the spread.

FSU -6.5 Boston College

BC beat up on a solid VA Tech team last week, but may be missing QB Matt Ryan who is questionable this week with a foot injury. Florida State beat Duke, Rice, Troy, and snuck by Miami in Week 1. I don't mean to put down the Noles, but I'm not even sure Bobby Bowden was awake for half of those games. This week, FSU will have to rely on their passing game to beat the Eagles. Most of this responsibility will lie on the shoulders of the Seminoles' leading receiver, De'Cody Fagg, and we all know how the Catholics at BC feel about Faggs . . . I have Boston College with the points over Florida State.

NOTRE DAME -14 Ucla

Screw you Notre Dame. You and your 5-1 record look so inviting even though you're 1-4-1 against the spread. And screw you too, UCLA for never having beaten Notre Dame. Everything in this game points to Notre dame being able to cover the spread. Yeah, that's what I said two weeks ago, and the Irish managed to botch that one against an awful Stanford team. Even UCLA beat Stanford by 31. Therefore, using the transitive property of equality, if UCLA beat Stanford by 31, and Notre Dame beat Stanford by 21, UCLA should beat Notre Dame by 10. See, I knew high school math would come in handy. I'll take UCLA with the points. Prove me wrong, Charlie Weis.

PITTSBURGH -6.5 Rutgers

Yeah, the other game in the Big East is in two weeks, but for now, this could answer a lot of questions surrounding unbeaten teams in the league. Are Rutgers and RB Ray Rice for real? Should Pitt's 38-23 loss to Michigan State be a better indicator than their 51-6 victory over The Citadel? Do all of West Virginia's players sleep with their sisters/cousins? Just how does Louisville's Mario Urrutia pronounce his last name? Needless to say, with such burning questions, I asked a real expert, my roommate Jason the bridal gown designer, for his take on the game.
Jason: "What is Pittsburgh's mascot?"
Me: "The Panthers"
Jason: "Ok, hmm. What is Rutgers' mascot?"
Me: "They're the Scarlet Knights."
Jason: "Oh that sounds much cooler. I think Rutgers will win."
I trust Jason' judgment, and I'll take Rutgers with the points.

MICHIGAN -13.5 Iowa

A win over Penn State and a catatonic Joe Paterno last week, coupled with Florida's debacle against Auburn moved the Big Blue into the number 2 spot in the country. Awesome, just what everyone was hoping for, an eventual showdown with THE Ohio State University for the Big Ten (11) championship on November 18th which will probably overshadow the BCS National Championship at the end of the season because of stupid Pete Carroll's USC team that keeps winning games, resulting in another discussion on the effectiveness of the BCS at determining a national champion. Sorry, I got a little carried away for a second. Iowa lost to Indiana last week, and anyone with half a brain (thinly veiled Terry Hoeppner reference) should be able to beat Indiana. I think Michigan wins this one handily at home against an Iowa team that is clearly overmatched. Plus, I don't think Lerner can take the stress of the Mets and Michigan losing in the same week. Michigan covers the spread.

Until next week . . .