Week 6 - Keeping Your Head Above Water

Just like the Jeffersons, I'm barely staying near the .500 mark. After another 2-3 week, I'm feeling like the Mets' pitching staff. No, not old and overpaid - bruised but managing to stay alive. For now. Yes, I'm a bitter Red Sox fan - deal with it. On to the picks.

Last week 2-3
This season 11-13-1

This week's Maurice Clarett nominee: Mississippi State defensive back Adron Chambers who was suspended from the team and arrested on charges of attempted sexual battery. Evidently sexual battery is a felony, and not something you put into a vibrator. Who knew? Honorable mention to members of the Yale football team for fighting in public with the hockey team. I remember guys I knew in college who played hockey and guys who played football. Yes, the football players were big, strong and intimidating, but the hockey players were just plain crazy. I'm just glad that I was on the same intramural hockey team as the hockey players and not facing off against them. These are guys who used to get into fights during intramural games with guys on their club hockey team. Seriously they were certifiably crazy. You'd think that Yale students might have the foresight not to get into a scuffle with hockey players. Oh well - there's always Harvard.

CALIFORNIA -5.5 Oregon

Cal QB Nate Longshore has a major chip on his shoulder. Even though the Bears have won their last 4 games, scoring 40+ points in each, Longshore feels all anyone keeps talking about is their week 1 loss to Tennessee. Yes, the 4 wins have come against opponents who are a combined 10-9 this season, and yes, Longshore has completed 67% of his passes this season. So Cal is probably right when they say that the Tennessee loss was an anomaly. However - here's a message to the Bears. Instead of complaining about the media's focus on the lone loss of the season, how about turning your attention to Oregon? The Ducks are 5-0 this season, and QB Dennis Dixon (your mouth) is averaging 40 points and 497 yards per game. I don't know much, but 497 yards a game is a lot. Look for Oregon and Dixon (your mouth) to assert themselves this week and give the media another game to bug Nate Longshore about. I'll take Oregon with the points.

NOTRE DAME -31.5 Stanford

In the words of President Bush, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice . . . you can't fool me again." Last week Notre Dame for the second time did not not cover the spread. They pushed. This makes the Irish 1-3-1 against the spread this season. Enter Stanford. Stanford is 0-5 this season, and 0-5 against the spread. The oddsmakers are taunting just about everyone this week with a spread of over 31 points. The key stat - the Irish are just missing the spread every week whereas Stanford misses it by at least a touchdown every week. I think this is where Brady Quinn starts to separate himself from the rest of the Heisman pack. Notre Dame (gulp) covers. I think.

Pittsburgh -7 SYRACUSE

When did Syracuse get good? They're seriously 3-2? Why wasn't I aware of this? Oh, that's right, it's the Big East, and I don't care. I'll take Pitt to cover.

FIU -3.5 NORTH TEXAS

Okay, I'm recycling a joke from last week. Did we learn nothing? FIU was favored last week by 7.5 and managed to lose that one by 25. 0-5 FIU! Yes, North Texas lost to Middle Tennessee last week 35-0 (who lost to Oklahoma 59-0 bringing up the question, "Could Oklahoma beat North Texas by 94?"). I still think that A'mod Ned is no name for a running back, and North Texas' QB is named Woody. Hee hee - the Mean Green has a Woody. I'll take North Texas with the points.

Wyoming -1.5 NEW MEXICO

Evidently the coach for New Mexico is named Rocky Long. Seriously - that's his given name, and as far as I know, he's never done porn or anything. However, his dad Rod was a football player at BYU in the late 1940s. Wait, his dad's name is Rod Long, and he named his son Rocky? How did this family not get into the porn industry? Amazing. Almost as amazing as New Mexico being a home underdog to 1-4 Wyoming (who are 0-2 on the road this season and lost in double OT to Syracuse last week). I'm going with New Mexico and the points.

Yes, I know the Red River Shootout is this week, and yes, I know this will probably be the closest game since the mid-nineties, but I can't decide if Oklahoma is primed to take back the Golden Hat or if Texas would make it two in a row. The truth is, I have a good idea who is going to win this game, but a couple of Sooner fans would be pretty pissed if I picked against OU so we'll leave it at that. See you next week.