Week 2, and wondering where I can buy stock in Appalachain State t-shirts

After a poor showing in week 1, I think I've gotten this losing business out of my system. Notre Dame and Michigan might need another week or so to recover. For those of you living in a box, Big Blue was upset by Appalachain State. Not to take anything away from ASU, but they have won the I-AA championship two years in a row, so its not like Michigan lost to D-I dormats UNLV (hi there, Utah State) or New Mexico State (what's up, SE Louisiana?). Speaking of big losers . . . its time for this week's Maurice Clarett nominee:

Ryan Broyles, Oklahoma - As I've said in the past, I don't normally pick on guys arrested for theft, but as always, this arrest had a twist. Broyles, a freshman second team WR, was charged with petty larceny this week after using a key to turn the meter off at a Mr. Shortstop convenience store gas pump and steal gas. Somehow Broyles, who was not an employee of Mr. Shortstop, obtained the key and codes to the pump in order to get free gas after the store had closed for the evening. My favorite part of this story is the fact that the owner of the store is former Norman, Oklahoma mayor Ron Henderson. Henderson was puzzled when he heard about the theft. "We've been experiencing shortages for several months and we've been trying to figure out where the problem might be," Henderson said. "We thought maybe we're losing gas in the tanks or in the underground lines. Never once did we dream it could be theft related."
Henderson said he is unsure how anyone could get a key because neither he nor his employees have one. He also said he doesn't know whether the alleged attempt was an isolated incident.
Uh, Mr. Mayor? You just got finished telling us that you've been losing gas for months and you're wondering if this is an isolated incident? No, I'm sure the two have nothing to do with each other. That and Rhett Bomar called; your rental car is ready to be picked up.

On to the picks . . .

Home teams in BOLD

Penn State -17 Notre Dame

Remember last week when I said I'd wait until the Irish were favored by a touchdown or more? I could be waiting all season at this point. Charlie Weis could bring Aretha Franklin in to the locker room to sing about R-E-S-P-E-C-T, and it wouldn't matter. Since the Evan Sharpley experiment worked so well last week, Notre Dame will start the surgically repaired Jimmy Clausen in Happy Valley. I don't think even Brady Quinn could help the Irish against the Penn State D. Maybe Tom Zbikowski should have stuck to his boxing career. I like Joe Pa's Nittany Lions to exact some revenge after last year's Irish blowout of Penn State. I'll take PSU to cover the spread.

Boise State -3 Washington

Last week, America's favorite cheerleader-marrying running back rushed for 128 yards and three TD's. Ian Johnson probably won't put up those numbers this week, but you can expect some sort of trickery on the part of Boise State as they play what looks to be their toughest game of the year (until the match up with Hawaii) against Washington. I'm not sold on the Huskies who beat up on the Orangemen of Syracuse 42-12 last week. Redshirt freshman QB Jake Locker didn't pass for any TS's last week, but he did rush for two of them. This is the type of performance that makes you wonder if he is one of those scrambling QB's that jut runs all over the backfield until he decides to take it in himself. Someone should call the ASPCA to check if he owns any property in Virginia. On the other hand, I am sure of two things: 1) Ian Johnson is from San Dimas, CA, and 2) San Dimas High football rules! I'll take Boise State to cover the spread.

Oklahoma -10.5 Miami (FL)

I'm beginning to wonder if Ryan Broyles (see above) got arrested just to intimidate the 'Canes this week. "See Miami, we have tough guys who steal gas and have shady part time jobs in Norman. You'd better come prepared!" I've been to Norman, and I've been to Miami. I can honestly say this: Norman has a lot fewer old Jewish women. That, and they have this drink called Redneck Tea that you drink out of a Mason Jar. Miami just has frilly cocktails and Top Chef reruns. For those reasons alone, I'm taking the Sooners to beat the spread.

Auburn -7 USF

After a lackluster showing by USF last week against Elon, and a comeback win by Auburn (including 2 TDs in the 4th quarter) over K-State, neither of these hyped teams is looking particularly strong. To complicate matters, Auburn suspended RB Brad Lester, who led the team with 9 rushing TDs last season. USF features QB Matt Grothe and . . . uh yeah, that's kind of it. My point is, neither of these teams are especially fantastic (though the Bulls are the dark horse pick in the Big East) but USF does have a penchant for pulling off the big upset on the road (just ask West Virginia). For some reason, I like the Bulls to make it close here. I'll take USF with the points.

West Virginia -24 Marshall

Marshall has lost all 6 games they've played against the Mountaineers. That's not a good track record. Last year, WVU walloped the not-so-Thundering hurd 42-10, with RB Steve Slaton putting up 203 yards. Last week, Marshall scored a whopping 3 points against Miami giving up 250+ yards. This isn't a good sign either. I'm really looking for something nice to say about Marshall's chances, but I can't besides the fact that they have a RB named Chubb Small, and their fans are notoriously unforgiving towards visiting teams. Even the Huntington crowd won't rattle the 1-2 combo of Steve Slaton and Pat White. I'm gonna go out on a limb and take West Virginia giving 24 points here. Shame on all of you for wondering where the "sleeping with their sisters" line was in this game. Just because there are two teams from West Virginia involved, it doesn't mean you'll get an incest joke. Now a joke about the combined number of teeth in the stadium this week doubling as the over/under is a different story.

Until next week . . .