Week 1 - the Early Edition

I wanted to get this post up before the game starts (since the other four write-ups might not be finished by tonight).

@Boise State (14) -3.5 Oregon (16)

We start the season with the battle on the Smurf Turf! Or - as I like to call it - the team with the ridiculous looking field against the team with the ridiculous looking helmets. Boise State must be doing something right, as they haven't lost a regular-season game in the last 49 played at Bronco Stadium. However, they're going to have to extend that streak without the help of RB Ian Johnson (who seems like he's been around/married forever). Carries for the Broncos will be split byJeremy Avery and D.J. Harper - who had 8 TDs between the two of them last season, compared to Johnson's 13. On the Oregon side of the ball, the defense will have to do a better job of stopping a passing game that torched them for 386 yards at home last season. Offensive coordinator-turned head coach Chip Kelly hopes they do. He also probably wishes Mike Bellotti took these uniforms with him from the locker room to the AD's office where he now works. Maybe the wings on the jerseys will help the secondary stop sophomore QB Kellen Moore. I don't think they will, and I'm going with Boise State giving the points.

@Penn State (9) -26.5 Akron

Marking the return of Joe-Pa to the sidelines of Happy Valley, Penn State takes on the Zips of Akron (and you'll know that Paterno is back at 100% if he doesn't have to be told not to use Akron's name to make ethnic slurs.) Too much too early? Sorry, I'll tone it down.

Penn State's O-line has been described as "new-look" and "untested." I wouldn't take those as "confident" words. In fact, Akron QB Chris Jacquemain told Cleveland.com, "I really feel there isn't a defense I haven't seen. There is nothing a team can do I haven't seen before."

Well, maybe Joe-Pa could pee himself on the sidelines. That would be something he probably hasn't seen. Unfortunately for Akron, I don't think that will happen, and I don't think this game will go well. I'll bet you clicked on that link of the guy peeing himself, didn't you? Penn State picks up just where they left off last season. I'll take the Lions giving the points.

@Notre Dame (23) -14 Nevada

It's a little early to make Charlie Weis jokes, so I don't want to force it just yet. According to the stat heads in South Bend, eighteen starters return from the 2008 Sheraton Hawai'i Bowl championship squad, including 10 offensive starters, six defensive starters and two specialists. I read most of what the AD's office put together, and I almost believe the Irish have a shot at finishing the season in the top 20. I mean, how bad can Jimmy Clausen be?

On second thought, I'll take Nevada getting 2 TDs.

@USC (4) -34 San Jose State

Now that the dust has settled, and southern California is finally over the shock of USC starting Matt Barkley at QB, we can get to the important questions - like what big celebs will be seen at USC games this season? Past seasons have seen Denzel Washington, Jamie Foxx and Snoop Dogg. I'm hoping we see some big stars, like Frankie Muniz at Trojans games this year!

Sorry - I blacked out for a minute. What happened? Right. Somehow, San Jose State has beaten USC three times, including in Pete Carroll's first season. While I don't think the Spartans will beat the Trojans, I do think they'll make a game of it early. USC pulls away late here, so I'll take the Trojans to cover the spread.

Side Note: I'm typing this on Friday evening, and my wife just turned on the Wendy Williams show. If you've never seen it, and you probably haven't, it's more of a trainwreck than LeGarrette Blount deciding to sucker punch Byron Hout in the jaw. Wendy has no cadence, she rants with no discernible end in sight, and watching it makes you nauseous. Kind of like watching Charlie Weis coach a game (see - I did come up with a Weis joke after all!)

@Wake Forest -2 Baylor

Baylor is 2-14 on the road over the last 3 seasons, and they take on a Wake Forest squad that went 8-5 last year and returns the majority of their (okay, mediocre) offense. Either way, I don't see Baylor winning this one on the road. I'll take the Decons giving 2 points.